I thought that I would start a blog in order to document some of my thoughts and feelings. I'll be using my speech software in order to get these words down and try and keep my thoughts cohesive, I will just keep talking even though the software may make mistakes in understanding me.
After diagnosis almost 5 years ago, the first two years were spent not really knowing how to respond to this new knowledge. Part of me was in a panic and wanted to take family photos and video as well as go on trips as often as possible. You begin to become tired and worn down after A while of keeping up a hectic travel pace. I wanted to help others who were newly diagnosed. I was able to do this successfully to some degree, a few people that I met with have now progressed further than myself and I have yet again entered a new timeframe of my diagnosis.
It now seems strange that my aggression has gone so slowly. What am I to do with this time that I strongly feel God has given me. (is this what they mean by "survivor's guilt"?) Every minute is precious, yet I don't find myself treating each minute preciously lately. True, some of my capabilities have been diminished, so I can't be running around and as active as I once was. But, there are plenty of things that I can do over the phone or through the computer that I still don't seem to get a handle on. part of me feels like I am battling and emotional component to my daily life as well. Well, of course, some people would say-you have ALS... but, beyond that, it just doesn't seem like my attitude is the same as it used to be. I could have started this blog by retracing my feelings as far back as 2005, and I still may do that at some point in a different section. These are the feelings I have now and they reflect the position that I am in with my diagnosis and in my life at this point.
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